总以为只要进了力就不会有遗憾。其实现实并非如此。

走到生命尽头的瞬间，能让人渴望拥有更多时间园了明天的梦 – 这是人的贪念。

人生没有彩排或剧本，只有靠临场表现来应付每一天的现场直播。

世界不会因为一个人的离去而停止转动。但也因为这自然的规则带来了格外的伤感。

Saying my last goodbye to you wasn't on my agenda for the day.

年龄越大似乎越能察觉到时间的急速流失。 年少时度日如年。现在却是一年如一日。

曾经走过不意味能身同感受... 因为身在其中的感触会随着时间儿淡忘.

A well-protected environment molds an Idealist while the harsh world makes a Realist. The protective cushion shields one from harm but also serves as a vacuum from the reality.

Being in a position of power and authority does not bring along with it the right to be rude.

Be kind to others when on your way up

and others will be kind to you when you are on your way down.

So much truth to it but often forgotten… or is it because most will never envision own downfall?

Why does it often take another’s misfortunate to remind one to count our own blessings?

Isn’t it morbid?

I once read a saying that goes “Do not let the person you hate live in your mind rent free.”. I wonder at times if the second lines goes on to say that “So you need to make sure you get the person to pay for it.”.

心境老了… 这样的形容词用在现在的我其实还算贴切.

Too lazy to argue, to feel upset and to dwell over spilled milk. No longer feel the urge to talk about my problems when it is more than one day old.

The daily routine and chores are enough to rob me of my time and energy. If I am lucky to have any remnants of either left, there seem to be better places to use them. Nowadays I start to wonder if feelings of anger and disappointment are meant for those with too much time and energy to expend.

Lack of time and energy can be a good thing too.

 

Sometimes it may not be a bad thing to not achieve one’s objectives too soon. At least it continues to give the person a purpose in life and something to work towards.

This morning while waiting for the train at the train station, I spotted a teenager looking really candid in an ankle-length flowery skirt and off-white blouse with pouffy half-lenght sleeves. If not for the fact that she had on her a pair of converse-like shoes, carrying a side-sling canvas bag and spotting a spunky bob haircut, I would have mistaken her to be a lady in her fifties.

She looked awkward and I felt the same way for her. The first thought that ran through my mind profusely was why would she have placed herself in such a situation and openly asked to be ridiculed by whoever she might be meeting later. Why didn’t her parents get her something more befitting for her age?

I lost sight of her in the crowded train. I didn’t notice when she got off or if she did.

It was after a good stretch of time before I was reminded that I too was in that same position twenty years ago.

I was part of the school choir then and for one of the performances in school, we were told to prepare a pair of white heels to go with this truly horrible dress in orange colour that was tailor made for each of us by the school. I dutifully took home this piece of instruction to my mum and her reaction was it will be such a waste of money to buy something that will only be worn not more than twice. She then suggested that I make do with hers, which by the way was easily 2 sizes up from what I could fit.

I didn’t dare disobey her and partly because I agreed that we shouldn’t be wasting money in such manner knowing how hard my parents had to work just to make ends meet.

And so I did, I dragged my feet around (in every sense of the word) that day in the shoes that were obviously way too big.  To fill up the empty space, I resorted to stuffing pieces of tissues into the toe area but it only helped that much.   I could only wishfully hope that nobody would take notice of it.

It may seem comical now that I think back, however it is without a doubt that I didn't find it funny back then.

Over the years, I lost that bit of my memory and seeing the girl at the station today brought it all back and I am thankful for that reminder.   I no longer need to bat an eyelid to buy another pair of shoes whether it is for myself or for my children, but I am sure that there are many people out there who deem buying an extra pair of shoes as luxury.

The definition of necessity and luxury is dependent on the person who defines it.  I am not sure if my children will grow up to appreciate it like I do seeing how they never have to worry about whether they will have shoes to wear, and only about which one to wear today.

The truth is only true if the other person believes it to be so.

Elaina got stood up by her classmates today.  An after school playdate didn't materialise for some reason unknown to her.  She was almost in tears from disappointment after waiting in vain for 15 minutes.

My heart goes out to her when I heard the recount.  I feel sorry for her not just because I am her mummy... but somehow I have been let down on many minor occasions lately and it is starting to get to me.  Sometimes I wonder why did I even bother to start with.

万物都有它存在的价值 。。。
但世界却不会因为它的不存在而停止转动！

Within a matter of 5 years, I got myself butchered 3 times. The most recent was just 2 weeks ago after a lump was found on the right side of my thyroid. After getting an ultrasound scan of the lump and a  discussion with the ENT, we decided the best option was to get the lump out since it is not likely for the lump to shrink and disappear if we adopt the wait-and-see strategy. Plus, there was a possibility the lump could be cancerous and no way am I going to sit around and wait for the time bomb to explode.

And so I saw myself getting wheeled into the operating theatre once again. Even though it was for a different purpose, the ritual before the surgery was there and about the same. Not sure if I should take consolation that I am well-versed on what the process is and thus less fearful.  From the fasting, admission paperwork, the routine questions the nurses need to ask, the gears to put on before surgery to how the operating theatre looks like (it is pretty swanky… cold, white, clean with a big round light above the operating table. And if you should put in a couple of Martians it will look exactly like the inside of a spaceship in a sci-fi movie). Oh joy….

After a long "afternoon nap" that lasted 3 hours, I regained some consciousness and the first thing I heard was the doc telling me that everything is ok and the lump wasn’t cancerous. If I had the energy then, I think I might have strike a victory pose for him.

The lump was gone but unfortunately the 7 cm scar is stuck with me for life. Even though the ENT did point that out to me before the operation (well… even if he didn’t I am fully aware of that fact) and I was grumbling about it, it was an issue that was in the backseat. After the dressing came off and the stitches removed, the issue decided to switch to the front passenger seat. The wound was raw with dried up blood and the neck area was battered with bruises. The reality hit me face-on when I looked into the mirror for the first time after the dressing was removed. It was pretty gross and I wondered hard and long each time I stand infront of the mirror, if the wound will heal nicely.

The following days, I had well-meaning people around me asking how I was doing and most of the time I never fail to mention that I hope the wound will heal well and not leave a scar that was too obvious. There was a handful who would tell me that health is more important and that I shouldn’t be making that (the scar) a problem.  Gradually I started to wonder if people could have made me feel better by not brushing my remarks on the scar away so lightly and appeared as if I have placed my time and energy in the wrong area.  I wouldn't have mind if people would recognise that the scar is there and perhaps suggest some methods they know or heard of that can help in the healing or simply just asking me to take care of myself.

I had a cut (twice infact) that was double the length across my lower abdominal and that was of no real drama to me because I don’t walk around with an exposed abdominal. But the situation is very different when the cut is right across the front neck and I don't deny that I am quite concern about how the wound will eventually look after the healing is complete.

While I won't cry, get depressed or commit suicide over it, it is there and I cannot ignore its presence.... and same goes for the people around. Because strangers, colleagues and family members have a tendency these days to fixate their focus on my neck area when we talk, and ironically some of them can tell me it is not obvious while at the same time staring straight at the wound.

I don't mind if people look, otherwise I would have just wore something to cover the neck area.  The scar is there and I need to learn to accept it, just like how I wish people around can accept that having a scar across the neck can be a concern to a certain degree.  Perhaps because it is not on their neck…. or maybe I should suggest that they try getting a 7 cm cut on their front neck first before we talk.

Had a friendly debate with Mad 2 weekends ago on whether the Government had done enough to prevent the recent flash floods. I think I am probably one of those rare few who didn't think that the Government could have foreseen it happening.

The limit is only known after the line had been pushed. Didn't we all took comfort in believing that our canals were sufficient to deal with the rainfall? We were just as complacent, if that is what we think of our leaders.

这就是所谓的马后炮！

一寸光阴一寸金
寸金难买寸光阴

If ever represented in mathematical formula should be....

Time = Money
Money ≠ Time

Somethings just don't work both ways.

Never think that you have screwed up until what you did wrong gets discovered.